LYRICS'N'TUNES
SONG LIST
Click on the song title to view the lyrics.
Backgammon
-
It is a hot Kansas morning,
I down a glass of ice.
But the heat doesn't bother me -
I think of rolling dice.
Well, I am not a high-roller,
Not even a gambler,
No "seven", no "eleven",
And don't shake'em in a "tumbler".
Chorus:
Don't worry, mamma -
I'm playing backgammon.
Don't worry, mamma -
I'm addicted to backgammon.
Backgammon is the game
Of strategy and luck,
Of which I have neither,
But I don't give a fuck.
I've played since I was young,
I'll play 'til I am old.
I'm doomed to play forever
'Cause my daddy taught me so.
Chorus.
I've played so much:
I've lost my truck,
My house, my woman,
Rubber duck,
A pack of smokes,
A case of beer,
A pound of jerky made of deer,
My faithful dog,
My stupid cat,
Two pairs of jeans,
A cowboy hat,
My neighbour's TiVo,
Leather couch,
My grandpa's pipe,
A lucky pouch...
But, hey, don't worry, mamma -
I'm playing backgammon,
Don't worry, mamma -
I'm still playing backgammon.
Chorus.
-
I have to take a drinking class.
I do not know if I will pass -
I like to smoke, I like to drink,
I like to party and not think,
So I don't know if I will pass a drinking class.
It was a quiet Friday night.
We made arrangements with my mate -
Around seven, still not dark,
We're drinking beer in a park.
Cause no disturbance, no harrasment and no fight.
We drank, like, half a can a piece:
All of a sudden - there's police!
They shine their lights into my face,
"Don't move a muscle, stay in place! Hands out of pockets, don't speak Russian - we insist!"
And then I stood before a judge.
It seemed, for me he held a grudge -
The verdict was - 5 days in jail,
Or take a class and do not fail:
Open container in a public was my charge.
So here I am in drinking class.
I have no choice - I have to pass.
I took some notes, I had to think,
And it was over in a wink -
I learned a lesson, that I shouldn't walk and drink.
-
I picked you up at work
Around seven-thirty,
You were extremely shocked
That my clothes were so dirty.
I said: "Don't worry, honey,
While you waitressed in a bar,
I've spent most of my day
UNDER MY RED NEW CAR!"
Chorus:
Three plastic hubcaps,
Two canisters of petrol -
I am in love
With my Red Geo Metro!
I had a hundred dollar bill,
Then I met this guy named Pedro.
After speedy transaction
I have a Geo Metro.
Pedro quickly dissapeared,
But I was very pleased
When I inserted my keys
INTO THIS WILD RED BEAST!
Chorus.
The lights don't work,
Transmission - fails,
Engine has no torque,
But who cares about details!
It seems you don't like
That it doesn't drive too far?..
Well, then RIDE YOUR BIKE
AND GET OUT OF MY CAR!
Chorus.
-
Santa Maria, Besso me mucho,
Asta la vista, Kaliente, Biscocho,
Senior, Seniorita, El Tapatio,
Huan, Huanite, Karamba, Adios.
Si, Mescalito, El Taco Bell,
Loco la vida, Adelante, Noel.
Chorus:
Mmmmm... Me russo - no gringo.
Mmmmm... Hispanico lingo.
Muchos gracias, Hola, Teker,
Purfavor, Komastas,
Pantalones, Vaquer.
Compadres, Emigra, Puta, Cavrone,
Maniana, Sombrero,
Alarma, Amore.
Hulio Iglesias,
Jennifer Lopez,
Enrique Iglesias,
Kruz Penelope.
Chorus.
Esse, whats'up, Americana,
Karlos, Maria, See you maniana.
For English - press two,
For Espagnol - uno,
For Russian - no numara,
No pasaran, NAH!
Chorus.
-
In a cold apartment block,
Blaming life on carma,
Packing lunch for her grandson
Is Russian gangster's grandma.
"You're my evil baby-boy,
Sunshine in sunglasses,
When you go to do your job,
Don't cick too many asses."
Chorus:
Na na naina, nananai,
Na na na na naina, Ooooo,
Na na naina, nananai,
It's russian gangster's grandma.
"When you drive Mercedes-Benz,
Be extremely caucious,
And when you party with you friends -
Don't drink 'til you get naucious.
In a mattress on my bed
You'll find a stash of money.
And if approached by KGB -
You can bribe them, honey."
Chorus.
"If your throat gets too sore,
I'll make you tea with lemon.
And for protection don't forget
Your AK Forty Seven.
By the dawn, when you get home,
Bring detergent, sweetie,
'Cause those blood stains on your coat
Just don't wash off that easy."
Chorus.
Shot of vodka, glass of milk,
Sigarettes and pasta...
Grandma loves her baby-boy
EVEN THOUGH HE'S GANGSTER!
Chorus.
-
Born in a village, son of the peasants,
Life on collective farm is not so pleasant.
Worked on metallo-metalworks plant -
Soviet plant is not too much fun.
But he was no laborer - he was fanatic,
All he could dream of were space, stars, and planets.
Chorus:
Oiiiiyo, Comrade Gagarin,
He flew Vostok-1, he did no fly Red Baron.
Oiiiiyo, Comrade Gagarin,
Wooo, badabadai :-)
He went to the pilot school, became an ace,
Was chosen by government to go to space.
Fuck '69 - its 1961!
The spaceship he flew - was called "Vostok-1".
As a full-grown man, he was five feet tall,
But to do what he did - he had two massive balls.
Chorus.
He was in space for 108 minutes,
Not too much time, but his name was infinite.
Stood on Red Square, praised Communist Party,
Communist Party was his real daddy.
A cosmonaut hero - glory and fame.
His death was heroic - he burned in the flames.
Chorus.
-
I met you in Mid-Missouri,
You showed me hate, you showed me fury. (twice)
American girl - you broke my heart,
But I came on a little too hard.
Long legs and blond hair,
God bless this Country - how I dare? (twice)
My heart would race
When I saw how you hair complements your face.
Loving you is not hard,
'Cause cupid shanked me in my heart. (twice)
I'm deep in love and its OK,
'Cause cupid shot me with AK.
I said: "Girl, you are pretty,"
You said: "Thanks!", I said: "No thanks are needed." (twice)
For your beauty and your talents
You should thank your parents.
I'm just a simple commie bastard,
Your life with me would be a disaster. (twice)
But you decide to take your chances,
And our passion enhances.
Now I wake up every morning,
See your body and it makes me horny. (twice)
Girl, loving you is not hard,
'Cause cupid shanked me in my heart.
-
Red scarf on my neck,
Red star on my chest.
Children of October
Were trained to be the best.
But the truth was discovered,
Red structure had fallen.
The direction was given,
But the future got stolen.
Chorus:
No turning back,
The victory is near.
I'm on the right track -
I'm the last pioneer.
Don't trust and don't fear,
Don't beg and don't plea.
The right place, the right time,
So I had to break free.
Grabbed my scarf, and my star,
And what else I could use -
All the things I was taught
In my pioneer youth.
Chorus.
Among the stars of beauty,
Between the stripes of madness,
I found a gram of joy.
It came with a ton of sadness.
So pour us pepper shots,
And bring some extra beer!
We'll never be defeated -
We're the last pioneers!
Chorus.
-
Lady, my fair lady,
My Seniorita, Puta Madre, Desdemona,
You will not listen, but I will say it,
Because I can.
Darling, my baby-darling,
My pretty woman, crazy witch, my Belladonna,
I showed my feelings, you didn't like it,
And so you ran.
Chorus:
I gave you all:
ONE model home,
TWO running cars,
THREE tanks of gas,
FOUR puppy-dogs,
FIVE kitty-cats,
SIX-SEVEN hats.
EIGHT candy-canes,
NINE golden chains,
TEN dollar bills,
A ton of thrills.
But you just left,
That's what I call -
GRAND SOUL THEFT.
Baby, you called me "baby",
You called me "Daddy, crazy bastard, dear lover",
I did not listen, I was too busy,
That's what you said.
Sunshine, I was your sunshine,
Those days are gone and they will never be recovered.
I realize it. It makes me dizzy -
Our love is dead.
Chorus:
You gave me all:
ONE loving soul,
TWO happy years,
THREE ice-cold beers,
FOUR chocolate hearts,
FIVE silver darts,
SIX auto-parts.
And SEVEN cakes,
EIGHT loving dates,
NINE jelouse fights,
TEN sexy nights.
But love has left,
That's what you call -
GRAND SOUL THEFT. Chorus.
-
Someday I'll build a house
Made of the yellow stone.
I'll plant a million flowers
Outback and on front lawn.
Chorus:
You'll see - I'll make it work,
It will be me who you'll adore.
But for now I'm just a clerk
At our local Superstore.
My name-badge shows my name,
I wear an awful vest.
But trust me that someday
You'll see fat gold chains on my chest.
Chorus.
My supervisor - blows,
My customers are rude.
But I will reach my goals,
And my luck will turn to good.
Chorus.
I bought a lottery ticket,
And I hold my head up high,
'Cause when I win a million bucks
You'all can kiss my ass "Good-bye"!
But before I leave the store
I'll have myself some real fun -
I will unstock all the shelves
And take a dump in a garbage can.
I'll switch the price-tags around,
Let the minors purchase beer,
And through intercom system
I'll tell the owner he's a queer,
I'll destroy the shopping carts,
Spill some liquids, break some glass,
And I will shove my name-badge
Up in my supervisor's ass!
-
Have you ever been drunk as shit and got pulled over,
You’d hear the sirens and you still wouldn’t think your trip is over.
The cop would have to force you to stop,
And you would pray to God that he is not a real cop.
Have you ever been drunk as shit and got pulled over.
Have you ever been drunk as shit and got pulled over,
Roll down your window and the cop can smell that you’re not sober.
“Step out of the vehicle, sir.
And watch your mouth motha’fucka so you don’t get hurt.”
Have you ever been drunk as shit and got pulled over.
Have you ever been drunk as shit and got pulled over,
Because you crossed the double line, then hit the gas, then hit somebody’s Range Rover.
Have you ever been drunk as shit,
That you forget at least a half of English alphabet.
Have you ever been drunk as shit and got pulled over.
Have you ever been drunk as shit and got pulled over,
Hey, I don’t get it what the Hell did I do to get pulled over?..
I only had a couple of drinks,
So I can easily touch my nose with my fingertip.
Have you ever been drunk as shit and got pulled over.
-
My cat,
He is not skinny and not fat.
Smaller than a dog, but bigger than a rat.
He’s got one tail, two eyes and four paws,
And his paws contain some razor-sharp claws.
And his face is covered with whiskers.
He don’t have no balls but he’s still very frisky.
My cat is clean. He mostly smells good.
Some cultures might see him as a great source of food.
“Hell no” to that, better yet –
He will always remain my favorite pet.
Chorus:
So cuddleeee,
So honoreeee,
So furrreeeee,
My cat.
My cat,
He’s fast enough to catch a rat,
Well, we don’t have rats, but he ain’t too sad.
‘Cause every day I feed him with cat food,
Since rodent meat is not too good
For his digestion.
I asked his vet about this question.
And I try to keep his litter-box clean –
It’s his dedicated place to pee in.
And if I happen to pet him too much –
He will reward my hand with a bloody red scratch.
Chorus.
When I say “What” – my cat says “Meow” –
What – Meow, What – Meow.
When I say “Wow” – my cat still says “Meow” –
Wow – Meow, Wow – Meow.
‘Cause that’s the only thing my cat learned to say,
And it doesn’t bother me – I like it that way.
So put your motha’fuckin hands in the air
If you’ve had a pet cat for over a year.
So put your motha’fuckin hands again in the air
If you see a homeless cat, and you act like you care.
Chorus.
-
Come over to my place,
So I can stomp your face,
Make your name a disgrace
All over cyber space!
We've got controllers in our hands.
Forget the times when we were friends!
You're lucky - you are on the screen,
'Cause in real life I'll make you scream!!!
My hands are covered in blood!
Not real - it's digital blood!
It must be understood -
It's only digital blood!!!
Day is giving way to night,
I've murdered all my friend in sight.
Now I have the right
To hear three words - ROUND, ONE, FIGHT!!!
-
I used to buy you flowers.
When you get ready to go out – I would wait for hours.
I would say that your skirt doesn’t make you look fat,
Even though we both know – I lied about that.
Fine-dining at Applebee’s,
You would try to pay the bill; I’d say “Wait, I got this”.
Then public pool - for a skinny-dip…
But now we’re facing a foreclosure on relationship.
Chorus.
Don’t blame me – blame economy.
Don’t blame me – blame bad economy.
But even if the economy was good –
You would still be a bitch, and I would still be rude.
Our personal life – had some budget cuts.
I get declined in bed – like my credit cards.
Could you, please, explain, I’m almost on my knees –
What’s with this sexual involuntary pay decrease?
You say the only thing I need from you is sex,
And that I like to see you bounce like my bounced checks.
You used to like too, but now you bitch and frown.
Don’t be surprised then when you see my private stocks go down!
Chorus.
You are losing your temper, like your IRA,
And my patience is drained, like my 401K.
Give me a second-hand chance to take you out,
Since I won’t qualify for a bailout.
Chorus.
-
My head has a face,
And I don't read books.
So where should I go?
You damn right - to FACEBOOK.
Got an email, and a password,
A name, sex and age:
All the things that I need
To set up a "Facebook" page.
Choose a profile picture,
I'm not facially impaired,
To get rid of silhouette
Of a dude with pointy hair.
Set my "likes" and "dislikes",
My relationship status,
Now I'm ready to test-drive
This "online-friendship-apparatus".
Chorus.
"Facebook"
I've got no privacy at all,
My life is what you see
On my profile wall.
Sign in or Log in,
And now I realize
That someone's online presence
Needs to be FACEialized.
It's time to be-friend,
Some digital friends,
So I can check out their pictures
And leave some comments.
But before I proceed
I have to decide
What to share with the world
About "What's on my mind".
Since the things on my mind
Are mostly sex-related,
It's hard to think of something,
That's semi-G-rated.
Chorus.
I've taken 25 quizes,
Joined Groups and Events,
I'm social as sh*&t -
My involvement has no end.
If you want everyone to know
What you do and where you're going -
Sign up, it's free,
And everyone can join.
Chorus.
